I am a very social person by nature and I try to listen intentionally to everyone’s story from the young to the older ones. I genuinely believe we can learn something from anyone. I have had many years of experience working with grandparents, parents, daycare providers and children. 

This particular day I was talking with a young lady about 18 years of age and she had informed me that her parents were incarcerated and would serve a 10 year sentence. This young lady was crying, mad and confused. 

She also told me that she had to take custody of her siblings so they would not go into the foster care system, because they had no parents. 

She was extremely upset and stressed about parenting her siblings at such a young age. She said she didn’t even want to have kids and her siblings didn’t even listen to her when they lived together. She said, “How did I get stuck raising their kids?”

My heart broke in half for her. I could not imagine being 18 years of age (still a kid herself) and raising 3 kids. She was in a No-Win situation.

After she calmed down, we were able to plot out 3 steps to help her manage such a heavy responsibility and still maintain a level of peace.

1. Self-care

2. Support Network

3. Mental Health

Step #1: Self-care

“Self-care is how you take your power back.” - Lalah Delia

I learned from a good friend that you can’t fill someone’s else's cup without filling your own first. So we talked about prioritizing her well-being first, in order to be able to help the kids. 

I advised her to make time for herself, even if it’s a few minutes a day. She could get up earlier than the kids or stay up after the kids go to sleep.

She could even take a day off from work while the kids are at school. She could take that time to exercise, pray, meditate, get a massage or simply relax.

She just needed space to be herself with nothing expected of her. She agreed that she needed the space to think things through and to enjoy parts of her own life. 

Lesson #2: Support Network

“It takes a village to raise a child”-African proverb

She needed help with the kids. She did not have the experience needed to raise the kids by herself.

She had not developed motherly instincts and was still maturing herself.

We talked about building a support system of friends, family, spiritual or community groups who can offer their experience, emotional, and practical support

With such a heavy responsibility she realized that she did not know anything about raising kids, what they would need or even how to help them with the fact their parents were not going to be around. 

I commended her for recognizing that she needed help. She was able to put together a list of people to reach out for assistance and/or questions. 

Lesson #3: Mental Health

“It is okay to not be okay, but it is not okay to stay that way.”-Unknown

Through our conversation she stated that she was extremely stressed out and wanted to just run away. Her feelings needed to be validated and also she needed to know it is okay to not be okay everyday, her load is heavy.

When my load was heavy and I could not see my way out it really impacted me mentally. I even had a few anxiety attacks. Although, through professional help, I was able to get tools to help me cope in stressful situations. 

I recommended that she not hesitate to prioritize her mental health, and seek professional help if she felt that she was struggling with stress, anxiety or depression.

An unbiased professional, skilled and licensed in family therapy or trauma, can help her through those tough emotions and teach her how to manage them in a healthy way. She said she would consider it. 

I know some people are not fans of therapy but it really helped me and so many others I know. 

Don’t knock it until you try it.

I learned through all this that sometimes life throws unexpected things at you, that you did not deserve or sign up for. Some of the things can actually break you if you let it.

By applying these three steps we can learned how to pivot to a strategy to help us cope with these difficult situations.

That’s a Wrap!

Ultimately, the weight of parenting should not fall on the shoulders of a child. While these young caregivers demonstrate extraordinary strength and resilience, it's crucial to remember that they too need support and guidance. 

By understanding their challenges and offering practical solutions, we can empower these young individuals to navigate their roles with greater confidence and well-being.

It's a collective responsibility to create a supportive network for young caregivers, ensuring they have the resources and encouragement they need to thrive.

Let's work together to create a supportive community for young caregivers.

Share your story, offer advice, or connect with resources to make a difference in the lives of these remarkable individuals.